He's been a bachelor for almost 70 years, but not for long: Finally, Archie will pick either Betty or Veronica.
The worldwide financial collapse was a Sunday school picnic compared to this. Come August, civilization as we know it is coming to an end: Archie Andrews is getting married.
You read that right. After 68 years of keeping not one, but two high school hotties on a string, comics' most successful player is getting hitched (even the supposedly invulnerable Superman succumbed to Cupid's arrow and let Lois Lane drag him up the aisle back in 1996). Is nothing sacred?
Archie Comics' official blog confirmed the epochal news, digging into its cache of exclamation marks to declare: "ARCHIE ANDREWS IS GETTING MARRIED!"